It’s the sunny days in the fall that are the loneliest, the most depressing. The alluring weather stares you in the face, and it laughs. It cheers and hollers, celebrating itself through vibrant colours that dance dreamily. It is still warm enough, not quite winter yet. And you sit in your room and stare out, wishing you could phase through the window to the outside.
But you have no one to call, no one to join you. You know that there is nothing wrong with doing something alone, but still you find yourself unable to move. And you curse the fact that it’s not raining. It’s a day to go out and be active, not sit and huddle under the blankets watching movies until dinner. A dinner you have to make by yourself, for yourself.
Your friends are busy with their families, and you are there, alone. There’s no one to call, and your phone lies there, silent. Facebook shows you how much fun everyone else is having, how they’re enjoying the sun. They’re making food and eating with their families. You stare at their photos.
You could go for a walk, you tell yourself, trying to avoid self-pity. It’s not too cold yet. Get up and go out. But the sheer sense of alone haunts you, and you don’t move. Your eyes sting, and you wipe at them angrily. You aren’t trying to feel this way. You certainly don’t want to. You have a happy life, comfortable, full of loved ones. And yet something inside you is breaking, and it makes tears run down your cheeks.
You love sunny days, you comfort yourself as you stare miserably at the clear, blue sky. But it’s the sunny days that make you feel the loneliest.